The Dreaded Hormonster

I recognize that no parent is anywhere near perfect. I also acknowledge that there are thousands of things that my husband and I do as parents that some might deem inappropriate, unnecessary, excessive, controlling, or just plain wrong. I fully accept that I cannot plan for, nor predict, everything our kids might learn from, or need from us, but I can sure as hell try.

I lovingly refer to my early years as a "fractured childhood." Never once, for a moment did I question that I was loved and cared for, but as I grew up, I found myself both naive and ill-prepared for a world beyond the little two-bedroom townhouse I was raised in. As most kids did, and do, I faced puberty alone, a muddled mess of emotions and moodswings, anger, hatred, disappointment, occasionally interrupted by a fleeting moment of joy (which I then worked hard to hide because it so violently conflicted with the rest of my day).

As a result, our boys (now 11 and 13) have heard the term "hormones" for years. I wanted them to be prepared to handle the craziness of pubescence armed with information and understanding. We told them that hormones make you feel extreme emotions, and that sometimes is difficult to deal with, and that it is NORMAL, and EVERYONE goes through it, and it WILL end eventually, but that while hormones were the REASON that those feelings existed, they were NOT an excuse for bad behavior.

Let me tell you this, our family has been TESTED repeatedly.

Simon, as the older son, is the first to experience the "joys" of the teen years. Many times, I can "talk him down" by reminding him that the anger / misery / angst is a temporary fluctuation and help him work through the feelings before the door slamming / stomping / crying behavior takes over. Sometimes though, I want him to handle it himself - to learn how to manage the emotions. I remind him that things can go two ways - he can go off and quietly work through his feelings, or he can pick a fight, participate in a screaming match, be banished to his room, and THEN working through his feelings - followed by the inevitable apology (that I am thankful occasionally comes without prompting).

Despite the slips we both have (because, please, teenagers KNOW how to push buttons), I think we're generally facing the hormonster together as a team quite successfully. Our family is far from perfect, but this time, I think maybe it's going to be okay.

At least until both boys are dealing with pubescent mood swings. I will get back to you on that one.